So here comes the perpetual worry of being a freelancer.
Is this my last job? Will I ever work again?!
Ok.
Perhaps not quite so dramatic as that. But it doesn’t seem uncommon to
me, that when you accept a short-term contract (opera or otherwise),
there is a moment or two of panic about what comes next at the end. I
think that’s normal. But perhaps it doesn’t have to feel so negative if
we accept it as part and parcel of our jobs. That actually, not always having the next thing to rush into can be a good thing?
We
finish our run of Carmen this Sunday. It has been such fun and forced
my summer to be incredibly busy. My German has improved (though I have
MUCH more to learn) and it’s been great meeting and working with new
colleagues and friends. It’s over on Sunday, so what happens next? At
first I found the thought a bit daunting. I felt bad for not having
another opera or performance to do immediately. Does this make me no
good? It occurred to me about two weeks ago that my diary was looking
horribly, horribly empty when I turned the pages into September. But, I
have a recital and a Messiah to prepare for, auditions and competitions
to do so I need to be working on a lot of repertoire. I knew I would
still feel busy so the diary didn’t look so depressing when I decided to
be rational. I was actually really, really, looking forward to a
wonderful quiet month or two in Autumn to put my nose to the grindstone
and fill that free time with study and preparation!
Filled with joy though I was about this, it hasn’t worked out as an empty diary after all.
The
thing about a contract ending, is that cliche; it’s actually another
door opening. I have just this week accepted the opportunity to go to
Israel and sing a Bach Matthew Passion with the same group that I have
been doing Carmen with. I had been planning on returning to the Bel Canto Bella Voce master class series in Vienna to work on repertoire preparation, which is occurring at the same time. And whilst gutted not to be there, working in Israel should be fun too! So the first two weeks of October are full
touring cities including Tel-Aviv and Jerusalem. Then, this morning I
enrolled at a language school starting on Monday. Now the first three
hours of every day are full of German fun for the next month. On top of
all this I have to fit in my teaching and part-time finance job. Oh, and
learn all that repertoire mentioned above.
Where
has my study time gone?! I have gone from panicking about not having
anything to do, to once more not having time to do anything.
I
think the skills of being a freelancer have to include making your own
work (of course), but also then trusting that it will come. From the
amount of preparation you put in, more work is spawned. Down time is
not down time to be depressed and worry about ‘the career’, it’s the
time to ask yourself what is important to you and what you want to do
more of. Investing more in German is important to me. I find it
incredibly frustrating not being able to say what I want to say, and I
am quite preoccupied with getting the German grammar right. So I’m doing
another month language course to rectify that. It’s also really
important that I present myself well for the performances that are
coming up in a month or two so I don’t really have any down time at all.
Pavarotti
was quoted (I’ve seen the youtube clip) as stating that the secret to
his success is, “Concentrazione, concentrazione, concentrazione”. I
think I would like to add “Preparazione, preparazione, preparazione” to
the Maestro’s ethos...
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