Paddle your own canoe

Back at the beginning of August I spoke at The Singing Entrepreneur forum. It was great, and I keep on referring back to the time there and considering what we were discussing. This next post is where my thoughts have been headed since the huge amount of information we heard went into my head... Particularly my thoughts on auditions - given how many of us are preparing for them in the busy autumn season. I was at TSE to speak generally about my experiences, and the fact that my experience has accumulated outside of the traditional route through training. This doesn't mean I don't have any training, but it is perhaps more ad hoc in that I don't have any specific guidance or a time-scale. This has upsides and downsides. Firstly, what do we want from our training? I decided I wanted the following (one not being more or less important than any of the others): Language Great teaching Great coaching To understand the system To understand my voice - fach Confidence/Stage experience I have managed to acquire all of these things through my own tenacity (my Mum's word!) and determination. I am lucky in that I have experienced more upsides than downsides and things have gone well for me. When telling people what I am up to I would never lie and say that is easy doing it 'privat', but nor would I say that it is impossible. We make our own opportunities. We cannot just take what is given to us, but we should seek our own future and make it happen. It's all very well and good me saying that from my little pedestal in Germany, but how does it actually happen? I'm afraid that I don't know! But what I do know is that BEING HERE was the key. By being here I am doing something different. Taking a risk. Ok, nothing is guaranteed to come from it, but nothing is guaranteed anyway. Had I not come to Germany I would never have met the brilliant coaches I work with here. Had I not come to Germany I wouldn't have been singing in the three productions I have performed in this summer, or be preparing to go to Israel in two weeks. Had I not come to Germany I would not have had the incredible teachers that I have worked with. Had I stayed at home....? I am not sure all of this would have happened. In fact I know that it wouldn't have happened and instead I would have been taking what opportunities I could from my hometown and focusing on re-trying to audition for music college. In effect, I would not have been progressing in the same way. I essentially moved to Germany (and then everything else that followed) because I wasn't successful in some auditions last December. This doesn't mean the auditions weren't a success, but they became successful through what I did with the experience. And from that, I learnt a rather important lesson: an audition is NOT a validation of whether or not you can sing.I repeat: AN AUDITION IS NOT A VALIDATION OF WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN SING. The fact that you can sing is actually a given. If you are auditioning at a high level, say postgraduate or opera school or professionally. Of course you can sing! The question then, is whether you suit the institution that you are auditioning for at that time. What skills do you bring to them that they need, and are they equipped to help you on your path? Do you suit each other? What do we think classifies as a career? I personally do not think a career is validated by competition wins, or places at prestigious schools. Thinking of a career as points based, where you get an A or a stamp for doing well isn't actually preparing a young person for their career. We should be grateful to be making music and communicating with our audiences, not thinking in terms of a defined 'career path'. We have to paddle our own canoes (copyright Emma Grossmith) and not worry about what everyone else is doing. We are all different, all our voices are different, that's what makes this so wonderful and fascinating. We do not need to do the same thing. As far as I see it, the actual path is unimportant - it's what you make of it. Not everybody who follows the traditional route gets the same career. And the light at the end of the tunnel (ie a contract or regular work) is actually where the hard work begins, then the challenge is to continue....! When it comes to auditions, don't see it as a text of ability, see it as a chance to share your voice and musiciality with the others in the room. Enjoy it... And paddle your own canoe.

Down time. Or not?

So here comes the perpetual worry of being a freelancer.  

Is this my last job? Will I ever work again?!  

Ok. Perhaps not quite so dramatic as that. But it doesn’t seem uncommon to me, that when you accept a short-term contract (opera or otherwise), there is a moment or two of panic about what comes next at the end. I think that’s normal. But perhaps it doesn’t have to feel so negative if we accept it as part and parcel of our jobs. That actually, not always having the next thing to rush into can be a good thing?  

We finish our run of Carmen this Sunday. It has been such fun and forced my summer to be incredibly busy. My German has improved (though I have MUCH more to learn) and it’s been great meeting and working with new colleagues and friends.  It’s over on Sunday, so what happens next? At first I found the thought a bit daunting. I felt bad for not having another opera or performance to do immediately. Does this make me no good? It occurred to me about two weeks ago that my diary was looking horribly, horribly empty when I turned the pages into September. But, I have a recital and a Messiah to prepare for, auditions and competitions to do so I need to be working on a lot of repertoire. I knew I would still feel busy so the diary didn’t look so depressing when I decided to be rational. I was actually really, really, looking forward to a wonderful quiet month or two in Autumn to put my nose to the grindstone and fill that free time with study and preparation!  

Filled with joy though I was about this, it hasn’t worked out as an empty diary after all.

The thing about a contract ending, is that cliche; it’s actually another door opening. I have just this week accepted the opportunity to go to Israel and sing a Bach Matthew Passion with the same group that I have been doing Carmen with. I had been planning on returning to the Bel Canto Bella Voce master class series in Vienna to work on repertoire preparation, which is occurring at the same time. And whilst gutted not to be there, working in Israel should be fun too! So the first two weeks of October are full touring cities including Tel-Aviv and Jerusalem. Then, this morning I enrolled at a language school starting on Monday. Now the first three hours of every day are full of German fun for the next month. On top of all this I have to fit in my teaching and part-time finance job. Oh, and learn all that repertoire mentioned above.

Where has my study time gone?!  I have gone from panicking about not having anything to do, to once more not having time to do anything.  

I think the skills of being a freelancer have to include making your own work (of course), but also then trusting that it will come. From the amount of preparation you put in, more work is spawned.  Down time is not down time to be depressed and worry about ‘the career’, it’s the time to ask yourself what is important to you and what you want to do more of. Investing more in German is important to me. I find it incredibly frustrating not being able to say what I want to say, and I am quite preoccupied with getting the German grammar right. So I’m doing another month language course to rectify that. It’s also really important that I present myself well for the performances that are coming up in a month or two so I don’t really have any down time at all.

Pavarotti was quoted (I’ve seen the youtube clip) as stating that the secret to his success is,  “Concentrazione, concentrazione, concentrazione”.  I think I would like to add “Preparazione, preparazione, preparazione” to the Maestro’s ethos...

WORK ethic

This month has been a bit crazy.  Going straight from speaking at The Singing Entrepreneur and Co-Opera in London at the beginning of the month into production rehearsals for Carmen at the Seefestspiele in Berlin has been manic!  In the run up to the show we were called almost every day for long days in a rather warm rehearsal room.  Then, rehearsing on the main stage (Hauptbühne) for the Klavierproben, Klavierhauptprobe 1 + 2, Generalprobe.  Exciting, and a great learning experience.  We are now into the performances (see the Premier screened here online on the ARTE website) and will be going until the 2nd September.

People are always asking me if I am getting to 'do a role' in the production.  Well, I have done Frasquita in opera excerpts recently and know the role, but I am proud to say that I am in the chorus.  For several reasons: firstly, it's work, WIN.  Secondly, it's paid, WIN.  Thirdly, the director and conductor and soloists are amazing.  Fourthly - and this is the most important - everyday we are on stage, learning our craft.  Getting to sing on a big stage to a big audience, with a professional orchestra and crew, is one of the best things that I think we could be doing as young singers.  Each day is a masterclass as we watch the soloists pacing themselves through roles, seeing how much they give emotionally and the limits they push themselves to as they act through the role.  We get to watch them play and in turn we get to play ourselves.  We are challenged to work as a group and make the experience as enjoyable and exciting as possible for the public.  How far can we go, what journey are we on, how much can we express - physically and vocally?  Of course we would do the same if we were soloists too, but this is all about baby steps, and this is a stepping stone to understanding and taking the plunge to doing something similar ourselves in the future.  

It is great to be required to be at 'work' in the evening (to me it still feels too much like fun so calling it work is weird), but it has set me thinking about my work ethic in general.  It would be very, very easy to go along, have a good time, mess around backstage, stay after and have a few drinks, get up late etc etc etc...  BUT.  Please don't call me a Nana, but I don't want to do that.  I want a better work ethic.  I want to make the most of this opportunity and not become complacent just because I have some work.   So, I have regularly taken to sitting backstage (normally in front of a beautiful Wannsee sunset so no complaints) with the score to my next project.  This varies depending on mood from lieder to opera or books I'm reading as research, but it's all relevant.  Perhaps I am some über-driven, hyper-motivated workaholic, but I think it's important to manage time properly so that you can relax and have proper down time when it comes.

This leads me onto my next point.  I think time management/being intelligent with our time is just as important when it comes to practice as well as learning.  There is NO POINT in constantly singing.  No point.  I actually try to sing as little as possible.  My practice is mental, in my head, and magically my voice doesn't tire.  At the same time I become more aware and conscious of the harmony and orchestration and the musical and character decisions I wish to make.  Then, when I do practice (i.e. the actual singing bit) I practice smart.  This is a phrase taught to me by the wonderful singer I learnt with in Turn, and what she means is, there is no point constantly singing, or singing at all really, if you are just repeating stuff or 'singing things through'.   You have to practice smart.  And by that I mean, work things into the voice slowly, get the placement for each note, get the body conscious of that placement and use your emotional barometer to guide you.  Maybe everybody instinctively does this, or is a dutiful student and has been taught how to work diligently and slowly rather than just bashing through.  But I didn't, and learning to practice smart has made the most wonderful difference.  Another thing I now LOVE to do (which I KNOW I was always told to do...) is learn the words first (inspired by another friend of mine who does the same - you know who you are!).  Translate the poetry, speak it, feel it.  I try not to even touch the music now until I have got the feel for the character's journey through the text.

At The Singing Entrepreneur weekend, a beautiful, talented friend of mine gave a speech that was very close to my heart, about the moves we make from Student, to Singer, to Artist and on to Diversifying.  I found it wonderfully enlightening.  What she said struck me, as it occurred to me that there is no time scale for this journey - Student to Singer to Artist.  The speed you travel through need not be predetermined by your stepping stones through the training ladder.  The only person who can move you to the next level is you.  What do you ask of yourself?  Is it enough to approximate the text and get the music just-about-right?  Or is there more to be demanded?

What is the difference between the mentality of being a student, to being a professional singer, to being a bonafide artist?  An artist who is independently making his or her own decisions from a real depth of understanding of the text and the score?  Who challenges us to do that?  I don't really have the answer to my own question I'm afraid, but my instinctive answer is that it is our own responsibility.

It all sounds a lot like hard work...  But no one ever said it was easy.  And...  It's FUN!!!

No-Man's Singing Land

Would you like to sing?

Opera?

Yes.

That's great.

Well if you do there are a number of ways you can do that. It's going to take you about 8-10 years to train. There are no job guarantees at the end.

So are you sure you want to do this?

Yes.

Well. Firstly, go to music college at undergrad. And if you don't do that, then you should study languages at university. If you really want to, study music at university. You could also study pretty much anything else; law, philosophy, english literature, maths. Just keep having private voice lessons and get involved with university societies so you get stage and performance experience.

Then what?

After that you need to do a masters or postgrad diploma. Really focus on your technique for two years. Normally at a music college, though there are masters performance programmes at universities as well.

Then?

Ideally go to an opera school. After that you can also go on to an opera studio attached to an opera house, often in Germany (there are others in Flanders, Switzerland, Austria and France too).

After that?

Well, you may have an agent by this stage and already be working. But if not then, you should think about doing big competitions to get noticed and start applying to agencies.

What if I don't get noticed at this stage?

...

We have all been taught that there is a certain way to do this. The career. There is a route from undergrad, to postgrad, to opera school, to winning an amazing competition, to getting an agent and then having a wonderful career that then continues for decades without interruption. I am not sure (other than for the lucky few) that this is reality.

There are a lot of us. And there is a lot of talent. We all love it, we love music, we love making music, we love singing. Who gets to choose who can really have a successful career? Having the best and most beautiful voice in the world actually isn't enough. What is a successful career anyway? Does it include sleeping in your own bed every night and having a family, or does it involve traveling the world from one city to the next?

We have to be great musicians. We have to be entrepreneurial. We have to understand our own voices, what is good for them, suits them and what doesn't. We have to gain experience and excel when we do. We have to grab opportunity with both hands. We have to understand social media and marketing. We have to be GOOD people. Treat others as we wish to be treated.

I, in complete honesty, have NO IDEA what I am doing. Honest. I love where I live, I love the people I work with, I love that I can earn (some) money from the singing that I do, and choose the other projects I get involved in. I just turned 25 and I have huge admiration when I hear wonderful voices from wonderful people in wonderful places. I know that I am not in a rush, that I 'have time' and I am happy to take my time. I have the time to do a masters, an opera studio, get an agent etc. But time is not finite and there is a lot of work that I have to get on with so that I can be ready when the time comes. 

Thinking of 'time'. There is this no-man's time, between when you are a student, and when you magically graduate to being a professional. I am trying something a bit different at the moment. Not being at college, living abroad, it probably all seems a bit random and whacky to someone outside looking in. But to me, languages are crucially important, so I am here to get my German to where my Italian is, working on my singing whilst I'm here. And maybe, just maybe, we don't all have to follow the same route to have a singing career. I think, with good sense, you can make your own opportunities and progress very well. But how long does this go on for? When do I graduate from my current little path to the path I would like to be on (which is of course where I have perfect technique, have a number of roles under my belt and get continuous professional work - hello Suzy the idealist)? Maybe this will NEVER HAPPEN.

But I bet - would put a lot of money - on the fact, that we will all continue, in whatever way we can, for as long as we can, as long as it is ok to hear 'No's' at audition and believe that you are still doing something right.

Fach it!!

Since being in Germany and spending time in Vienna, it has become much more apparent to me that fach is incredibly important here.  It is important if you consider you and your voice a product; you have to have a selling point which you can pitch to prospective employers (agents, music colleges, competitions etc).  Rep houses here in Germany employ singers according to their fach, using the system to make sure they have enough house soloists for each opera, before they contract in guests for other roles.  There is (usually) always someone in the house who can sing each role in the operas they are doing.

The next section is hard to explain, and a bit specialist.  I am presuming a little bit of knowledge of standard rep from my readers...!  And I also apologise in advance that I focus on soprano rep.  It is what I have done most research on and can speak about with confidence.  

What is fach?

I have read some fantastic books on fach (Pearl Yeadon's 'Guide to Understanding the Fach System in Europe' is extremely helpful, as is Richard Miller's 'Training Soprano Voices'), and the definition of how you categorise fach seems to be a combination of factors.  Age, colour, weight of voice, squillo (ring that cuts through an orchestra), amount of performance experience and desire - ie what you want to sing and which characters you instinctively have an affinity to - all play a factor.  But what seems most important to me, is that fach is what is EASY for you.  If it is hard for you to sing in a piece that consistently moves over the upper passaggio, or you are consistently tired after practicing, then chances are it isn't written for your fach; the composer wrote that because someone found it easy.  Mozart refused to even begin composing until he had met the singer he was writing for.  For some sopranos, although they are rare, the Queen of the Night is the easiest thing in the world to do (Aloysia Weber is the soprano Mozart wrote it for), so voices shouldn't be forced to do what is not natural for them.  It is unlikely that that same soprano would find singing Susanna in Figaro a walk in the park.  The role sits lower and is much more chatty with fewer moments of high sustained singing.  This does not make it better or worse to be able to do one or the other, and there's a chance that some singers can do both, but one of them will certainly be easier.  They are different and that is OK.  We don't need to constantly be versatile, sometimes, knowing your market is a very good thing!

Size of voice is also important.  The houses here in Berlin are big, so a much more lyric soprano than I was accustomed to in the UK will normally be employed to sing Pamina and Susanna - the same soprano will also sing Micäela in Carmen.  The current taste for Countess seems to be actually more of a spinto/junglische dramatisch sound rather than a true lyric; pure tone with a lot of bite.  This is simply to make sure the voices can be heard without pushing over big orchestras in bigger houses.  So if you ever audition here in Germany, consider what their ears are accustomed to for different roles.  A young lyric in the UK might prepare Countess (and expect to sing it), but in German reality, she's more likely to sing Susanna...

How can you hear what fach is?

Some of it is taste; listen to repertoire and listen to different singers singing the same repertoire - see what you like.  What weight of voice do you like singing the music?  What sounds like music to your ears?  The easiest to compare to begin with are different singers, singing the same pieces of a composer like Mozart.  Try comparing a Sally Matthews/Dorothea Röschmann/Miah Persson interpretation of Fiordiligi.  What do you prefer, and what fach do they all fit under?  I think Miah Persson is a much lighter voice, Dorothea Röschmann has the fuller, more lyric sound.  Do the same for Pamina, or in the baritone world different interpretations of Figaro or Papageno.  A tenor could compare Ian Bostridge to Juan Diego Florez or Rollando Villazon.  Some will sound lighter, some richer, some more brilliant.  It all makes up their fach.

Lots of people sing cross-fach now, or sing different rep according to the size of the house and the orchestra.  As long as it feels like a good fit in your voice, don't feel completely pinned to one 'type' of repertoire.

How do you know what fach you are?

From a personal point of view, I have spent SO much time singing unsuitable repertoire.  A few months ago my singing CV looked haphazard and confused.  Who on earth would even consider inviting a soprano to audition who has a mixture of big lyric repertoire and soubrette pieces on their CV?  What is she?  What roles does she sing and excel at? 

So I've slowly been figuring it out.  And learning that it is OK (!!!) that my voice does not happily sit low and that I should sing repertoire that sits higher.  It is alright that Susanna is hard for me, and that Zerbinetta is easy.  As I mentioned above, fach is what comes naturally, or easily to you.  We aren't all made the same, but it is so common that every sop sings Deh, vieni at some stage that it is surprising and sometimes disconcerting not to fit with the norm.  I tried working on this piece recently in Vienna, just because I thought I should, and my teachers could NOT figure out why I couldn't sing it.  Now, I am certainly not a Countess, but when we tried singing through Porgi amor (given how frustrated I was getting with Deh, vieni we decided to change tack) and it was like 'night and day'.  It is easier for me to hang about the upper passaggio.  But in terms of fach, I am not a Countess, I don't have the lyric lines, or weight of voice, but it sounds better than me singing Susanna any day.  It does not mean I am a lyric or lyric spinto...  I have to explore repertoire to figure our what does suit me.

I think we can begin to know what fach we are when we have a good knowledge of standard repertoire, what suits what singer (in general - by listening to fellow students as well as professionals) and then through time, we can feel what sounds good and feels good in our own voices.  It is also likely to change over time, as we develop and grow in maturity.

What I would hope any young singer reading this post could take from it... Is that it is important to know what you are, and sing fach appropriate repertoire for your age and stage.  Present pieces that you can sing NOW - not some thickly orchestrated Puccini or dramatic Donna Anna that will be perfect in a few years time. 

Once more: If it's awkward and you don't feel good singing it - don't do it!!

Financial Tales… (Not the news paper)

I have been toying, for some time, about when, if and how, to write a post about finances without either whining, or being overly optimistic.   Perhaps now that I am (finally!) in a financially stable position I can do so with a little more perspective. 

If you choose to leave your country and live elsewhere it is inevitable that you must have some capital set aside before you go.  Last winter I slogged my guts out working in a restaurant 60-odd hours a week for three months.  I was lucky to do this with my young man working in the same place and some other great colleagues who made it all bearable.  Although there were times when I was so tired I’d get in and lie on the kitchen floor unable to move, between us we saved enough money to give us a few months grace here without panic when we arrived and it was worth it.  A minimum would perhaps be in the region of 2,000 EUR (this is what Aussies are advised to have when they apply for their visa), but in reality it is much, much more than this that is necessary if you are singing as well.  

Suzy’s Singing-Abroad List

•  Have at least enough aside for three month’s rent (so look into how much monthly rent is on average in the city you want to live on forums etc). 
• Organise language courses and pay for them before you go.  No excuses for trying out English on the local French/German/Swiss/Italian people...
• Check out the job scene online.  What sorts of jobs are going, what is available to non-fluent speakers of the language in the country where you will be?
• How much is health insurance?  I’ve met people lumbered with huge bills for not having the right insurance and working in a different country.
• How many auditions do you want to do?  Bear in mind that you need to set aside costs of the audition, travel, subsistence and accommodation for EACH ONE.
• Research teachers in the city, and then in the surrounding cities as well.  And in the cities where you will do auditions.  Who do you really want to study with?  How much do they charge?  How many lessons do you plan on having – can you afford to find a couple of good coaches as well?
• What’s going to make you stand out when you’re there?  Can you budget for extra master classes/courses/coachings with amazing conductors or singers? 
•  Can anyone help you; recommend accommodation/work/contacts before you go?

I had some pretty sleepless nights after about three months here.  I had spent a vast amount of money travelling to different cities for singing lessons, auditions and coaching and it was dawning on me that my money was running out.  I had to ask the nice young man to feed me on occasion…  If I am honest, I think I’ve spent about 5-7,000 EUR this year…  Scary.  BUT I think every penny was worth it.

How to get myself out of the dire penniless-abroad situation? 

I applied to what felt like thousands of jobs.  I had sworn to myself I would be a waitress no more.  But then, coming into the beginning of May I was sadly thinking of re-writing my CV so that I could get waitressing jobs as I didn’t seem to be getting anywhere applying to be a PA, office assistant, receptionist, general dogsbody etc etc etc.  Luckily this turned out to be unnecessary as I was offered two different jobs.  The first would have been teaching music in a kindergarten and the other working as a researcher for a financial market research company.  Both wanted me to speak English and I eventually chose to take the financial research job, as it is 20 hours per week but flexible.  I can inform the office each week of when I will work.  Sounds like my dream job?!   Now I can sing, afford lessons and pay my rent and bills with no troubles.  This also fits alongside the paid singing work I am doing, which is just as good, and more fun!! 

It took three months and I am aware that that was lucky (fortunate perhaps a better turn of phrase?).  I have colleagues who had been looking for a year or more before they got their job.  I got all the job offers (musical and non-musical) over about 3 days at the beginning of May, so it was in time to stop myself from running away and booking flights home.  It is a scary time financially for everyone (I can say that with authority now that I work in financial research…) but risks do still pay dividends. 

I would never want to put anyone off moving abroad, but I think it also pays to be frank about actual costs and what is sensible.  I hope this post is vaguely helpful to anyone considering doing an audition tour or moving abroad permanently.  Allow time (ie budget properly) to let yourself get to grips with the language and the culture of the destination, before you put pressure on yourself to succeed in anything else…

Choices

How do you choose what the right step is next?

I have recently been offered some awesome things.  Here is a fun list.

Paid work to sing in the chorus of a three-week run of Carmen this summer.

Sing at the Kleinersaal of the Berlin Philharmonie for a chamber music series.

Pay to sing Gilda/Rigoletto in November.
Sing Barbarina/Le Nozze di Figaro for the Lyric Opera Studio of Weimar.

Sing the Brentano Lieder in recital in Berlin with a great pianist/conductor.

Sing a concert of Händel and a new(er) song cycle by Jonathan Dove at home.

I also have two auditions over the next fortnight that are important to me.

Ok.  Help!! I currently don’t officially have a teacher.  How the blazes do you decide what to go for, what to say yes to, what is too much, what might be better to do later?

With sleep, a level head, instinct and thinking loosely of a long-term plan.  Speak to your friends and people you trust.  And listen to them.

I jumped at the chance of being paid to do Carmen.  This is a great way of getting stage experience in a small summer festival that takes place in the lakes south west of Berlin.  Plus points: it’s local, good contacts and paid.   I decided against singing Gilda.  I asked so many people their opinions, and firstly the resounding response was; NEVER pay to sing in a professional house.  The performance would have been an einspringen (jump in at the last minute, minimal rehearsal) and I am still very young.  Rigoletto is Verdi after all and better not to scramble the old vocal chords in your mid-twenties.  I also decided to turn down Barbarina, it clashed with Carmen and was a summer course that had a hefty price tag attached.  Lovely offer and was a great confidence boost, but I think I will be glad to be staying in Berlin for the summer.  Singing in a chamber concert as part of a group of singers at the Berlin Phil – YES please.  Singing Händel at home?  Amazing – I get to see family and friends and it will be the first time I’ve been home in half a year.  Learn the Brentano Lieder as well as all my audition rep…  Hard, but not impossible if you’re focused and have time to prepare with the right coaching and assistance.

The task now is to really learn all of the repertoire required.  Mix solo work with chorus work, recital with oratorio, opera arias with auditions and song cycles in concert.  I feel like I have musical dots coming out of my ears. 

Luckily I am going to PARIS for a week in two days.  My music is going with me, so it won’t be the most relaxing of holidays.  I plan on doing a couple of hours work on getting all the new music into the 'body' (as the Baron would say) and working on the text each day.  Our temporary neighbours in the Bastille are going to love.  I will not get distracted by everything going on in Berlin and instead, I will get on with memorizing and studying (and maybe some sight-seeing and wine drinking).  I’m really excited. 

I think I’ve made the right choices.   And I genuinely can’t believe all these things seem to be coming my way. 

Lucky girl.